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雅思写作:3分钟学会一个雅思7分句(第86期)

发布时间:2021-04-30 关键词:雅思写作

摘要: New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

      New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

  学生在正文写了如下一句话:

  What is worse is that it is huge unlikely that the children have abundant time and energy on communicating with other people. They will become isolated from not only their parents, but also their pupils.

  ※ 句型上建议将what is worse断开,充当衔接而非主语从句;

  ※ 我们一般会使用如下搭配:have time for something或have time to do something,而非have time on doing something;be highly unlikely,而非be huge unlikely;

  ※ 形近词也要区分:peer VS. pupil,the pupils of somebody/a school指某人的弟子/学校的学生

  教师修改后如下:

  What is worse, spending too much time in the virtual world, children are less likely to communicate face to face with parents or peers, and the lack of non-virtual experiences is often the root of their isolation.

  ※ 独立的衔接what is worse,与上文形成递进;

  ※ 现在分词短语spending too much … 是为了点一下题new technology以及their free time,注意短语前置的时候,逻辑主语与主干主语(children)保持一致;

  ※ 后一个分句中使用了两个抽象名词:non-virtual experiences以及isolation,用法不同。non-virtual experiences概述前文children communicate face to face with parents or peers,起到承接作用;isolation浓缩了原文they will become isolated from somebody,使句子呈现更简洁;

  ※ root refers to the cause of a problem or of an unpleasant situation

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