【学生邮件】

　　李老师，您好，感谢您。刚刚出了成绩总分99，写作两篇都是good，27分。您的方法很实用，每一点都很精辟。上次我的综合写作还是fair，只用您的模版练习了一篇这次就是good了。独立写作总共我也只是练习了四五篇。您对我们也很有责任心，万分感谢您的付出。

　　张晓雪

　　【师资简介】

　　李建林：北京新航道学校GRE写作、托福写作、托福词汇主讲。中国人民大学国际关系学院硕士，记者;在境内外主要英文媒体从事北京新闻报道逾15年，曾供职过的报纸和通讯社包括China Daily (中国日报)，Global Times (环球时报)，AFX-Asia (亚太金融新闻社)，South China Morning Post (南华早报);英文写作功力深厚扎实，对GRE、托福、雅思、SAT、ACT等留学考试类写作有精深研究和独到体悟，有专著《GRE写作5.5》，独创GRE作文“1+5”写作模型。

　　【学生Essay原文】

　　Should people buy new technological device (除抽象名词外，普通名词表示总类时，必须和冠词连用或表现为复数形式，不能以名词单数独自存在) right away when it becomes available or get the device until many others have adopted it? As far as I’m concerned, always buying new technological device is not sensable.

　　First of all, it is true that buying new device has some advantages. Since new technological device is more advanced, people can always keep up with the new technology. What’s more, new technological device has many functions and is very fashionable, so people feel proud of the device. For example, I often hear my friends talk about their iPads. Therefore, new technological device really has some advantages and makes people pleasant.

　　However, these facts don't mean that we should always pursue new technological device. Firstly, the most important reason that people buy new technological device is that it has many functions and therefore is fashionable. But are these functions really practical? Do ordinary people really need these functions? In fact, most people are not experts in some fields (fields前面加个technical的话，会更具体、更清晰),so they don’t need so many functions (functions前面加个particular是否效果?).For example, many cell phones now have navigation function, but people rarely use this function because they can find ways easily by asking others. In light of this fact, many excellent functions of new technological device are actually wastes of resource (改成“a waste of resources”语法上更规范).Secondly, although it is cool to use new technological device, pursuing it exceedingly can lead to some serious consequences. As we all know, new technological device is always expensive, and it changes all the time. To stay fashionable, one person needs to spend a lot of money on the device. Since most people are not so rich that they may use some wrong methods to get the money. For example, in order to buy a fashionable cell phone, one boy sold his organ (什么器官?哪个部位?卖一条胳膊和一个肾脏差别挺大的).When I hear the news, I feel incomprehensible. But it is a true thing (可以更为简洁).In my opinion, pursuing new technological device to an extreme is analogous to taking drugs. Once you are addicted in (该是to吧) it, it is very difficult to give up. Therefore, although it is fashionable, we should not always buy new technological device.

　　Considering the advantages and problems of buying new technological device, I think people should get new technological device after a period of time. By this way, people can spend less money and give themselves a little time to find (改成consider) whether they need the new technological device while pursuing fashion.

　　In conclusion, though it is cool to use new technological device, people shouldn’t buy it all the time. (365 words)

　　【师资点评】

　　优点：思路清晰、逻辑严整; 结构清楚、层次分明;除个别句子外，语言表意基本清楚。

　　建议：1、要注意个别句子语法的规范和表意的清晰、准确，以及表达时必要的细节感。2、论证部分还要进一步扩充，文章长度争取到400字以上，否则，会可惜了你本可以得4.5分左右的实力。好好注意下我是怎样通过增强表达的细节感，比较容易地把你的文章变长的。

　　总评：若能加强语言表达的清晰、准确，并适当充实论证，完全有希望得4.5分(27～28分)。

　　【师资批改后】

　　Should people buy new technological devices right away when they become available or get the devices until many others have adopted them? As far as I’m concerned, always buying new technological devices is not sensible.

　　First of all, it is true that buying new technological devices in the first time has some advantages. Since the new technological device is more advanced, people can always keep up with the newest technological development.

　　What’s more, new technological devices have many brilliant functions and usually look very fashionable, so people feel proud of the ownership of some new technical gadgets. For example, I often hear my friends talk hotly about their iPads.

　　However, these facts don't mean that we should always pursue new technological devices.

　　Firstly, the most important reason why people buy new technological devices is that they have many functions and therefore are fashionable. But are these functions really practical? Do ordinary people really need these functions? In fact, most people are not experts in some technical or professional fields, so they don’t need so many special functions. For example, many cell phones now have navigation function, but people rarely use it, because they can find ways easily by asking others. In light of this fact, many excellent functions of new technological device are actually a waste of resources.

　　Secondly, although it is cool to use new technological devices, pursuing it exceedingly can lead to some serious consequences. As we all know, new technological devices are always more expensive than the existing products in the market, and technologies keep updating all the time. To stay fashionable, one needs to spend a lot of money on the device. Since most people are not so rich that they may use some abnormal methods to get the money.

　　For example, in order to buy a fashionable cell phone, a boy reportedly sold one of his kidneys to underground human organ traffickers. When I heard of the news, I felt it incomprehensible, but it is unfortunately true.

　　In my opinion, pursuing new technological devices to an extreme has no difference from taking drugs. Once you are addicted to it, it is very difficult to give it up. Therefore, although they are fashionable, we should not pursue them at whatever prices.

　　Considering the advantages and problems of buying new technological devices, I think people should buy new technological devices after they run in the market for a period of time. This way, people can give themselves a little more time to consider whether they really need them rather than just blindly follow a fashion; or they will at least be able to buy them with less money if they wait till the fashion tide is over.

　　In conclusion, though it is cool to use new technological devices, people shouldn’t always buy them immediately after they hit market. (471 words)

 推荐阅读：

托福阅读推理题需要注意哪些重点?

托福口语关于吃的话题怎么回答？

托福听力如何分数?