托福作文学习：过去的人比现在人更友善吗?

　　With the technology developing, our society has been dramatically changed in a short period time. Nowadays, there are some voices raising up that people in the past are more friendly than people today. Personally, I agree with the opinion.

　　段落1：修改建议

　　无

　　段落点评

　　开头精简清晰，欧凯To consider roughly, because of the highly-developed technology, current people can use a variety of ways like cellphones, e-mails, facetime and so forth to communicate with others, which makes our communication much more convenient. However, today we prefer to use those kinds of methods to talk to our friends in distance, so the frequency of face-to-face communication has been reduced a lot. In fact, people in the pasthave much more true communication and are willing to help each other.

　　段落2：修改建议

　　1. 后添加 lot 后面 可以添加：which results in less emotional fluctuation for most individuals in real life, and the great pressure for living tends to make people to be numb.

　　2. 替换 have 这部分内容 可以替换为：had

　　3. 后添加 are 后面 可以添加：more

　　段落点评

　　转折的逻辑不太具有说服力，看我的补充First, past people like to live with their families and friends and do not move for a long time, it is to say people who live in the community may know well about their every neighbors. Furthermore, they are pleased to offer help, when their neighbor has some troubles. However, because of the convenient transportation, people in current are more likely to work or study in big cities where are far away from their home town, which makes a lot of people move into cities. Therefore, the communities are full of strangers and the harmony is no longer lasting. In a recent released survey, some Japanese scientists collect the data of people's satisfaction degree about their neighbors and living communities. Compare with the data they collected ten years ago,which turns out that people's satisfaction degree has been decreased a lot. Obviously, today's people are not as friendly as past people because of the living conditions.

　　段落3：修改建议

　　1. 修改建议 like 说到过去，全部用过去式，后面我不再改了，自己可以挑一下

　　2. 修改建议 about their every neighbors 很奇怪的表述，可以换成：Firstly, people of the old days tended to live with their family members most of the time and have less time to go far away frequently, causing them to know their neighbors very well.

　　3. 替换 in current 这部分内容 可以替换为：nowadays

　　4. 替换 where 这部分内容 可以替换为：which

　　5. 删除 , which makes a lot of people move into cities 此处 建议 删除

　　6. 修改建议 harmony 这部分内容 可以替换为：familiarity and the corresponding trust between individuals

　　7. 替换 Compare 这部分内容 可以替换为：Comparing

　　8. 替换 which 这部分内容 可以替换为：it

　　段落点评

　　这个报道完全没有突出重点。。。怎么去调查满意度了?不是应该调查对陌生人是否愿意提供帮助么?然后调查显示人不愿意，因为他们觉得不安全，不能信赖怕被骗。Second, in the fast-spaced society, people's lives are pretty hectic, so they have little time and be tired with chatting with their friends and family members. For example, students today are locked in a severe peer competition, because of the high-unemployment rate. They have a very busy school life. In other words, they have to spend at least 10 hours a day at school taking classes, writing essays, preparing for exams and so forth. Therefore, they are very stress out, which makes them feel tired of communicating with other people. If they have some time to take a break, they will prefer to read and listen music rather than chat with friends. (例子中的的切换我好像切得不明显，该怎么样让人知道已经换了个例子了?)Besides, for instance, there are a lot of tasks have to be dealt with by office workers, because of the internet, which makes commercial entirely globalized. Since competing with the foreign companies and exploring markets abroad are enormous challenges for today's companies, which gives pressure to current companies and becomes heavy burden of current office workers. Further more, they have to raise their young and take care of their parents, which cost almost all the private time. Therefore, they do not have time to maintain other relationships. It means that current people may not be kind to the strangers.

　　段落4：修改建议

　　1. 替换 be 这部分内容 可以替换为：are

　　2. 修改建议 ily members 这句话，跟帮助人有什么关系?只是体现出冷漠罢了。记住，始终点题

　　3. 后添加 instance 后面 可以添加：office workers

　　4. 删除 by office workers 此处 建议 删除

　　5. 替换 because of the internet, which makes commercial entirely globalized 这部分内容 可以替换为：since the internet has made commercial behaviors globalized entirely

　　6. 修改建议 which 今天这篇文章中语法错误特别多，而且都是大错，比如这句，句子成分根本就不完整，没有主语

　　段落点评

　　整个的段落都在写压力山大，学习的，工作的，并没有写表现说到底怎么样没有想帮助别人，而且你这例子突出的也只是不想和别人交流，而不是帮助人。另外我说过今昔对比在主体段做对比，你也没有做到。我给点建议：学生现在课程压力大，每天要花大量的时间复习预习做练习准备考试，完全没有时间go out，更别提帮助人了，相比较过去的学生课业压力小，放学了可以出去玩，孩子都很热心，遇到需要帮助的爷爷奶奶什么的都会施以援手。又比如现在的雇员，压力大经常加班，连和家人朋友交流的时间都少了别提主动帮助别人，相比较，过去的工作工作时间稳定，相对轻松，人们下班后有时间去做一些共享社会的时期比如去养老院福利院等。In conclusion, it is true that current people are not as friendly as before, because the two reasons above.

　　段落5：修改建议

　　无

　　总评问题颇大的一篇文章，无论是表达还是逻辑，两个主体段的论述都不能充分的展现主题，可以说是偏题的扩展，具体建议和修正方向看段内的批注和段落点评