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雅思写作:3分钟学会一个雅思7分句(第80期)

发布时间:2021-03-19 关键词:雅思写作,雅思7分句

摘要: Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country.

     Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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  应对上面这个题目,学生在正文写了如下一句话:

  For example, a student who study abroad should use a foreign language in a lot of aspects as he or she is involved in a specific environment. He or she need to use the foreign language to write papers, discuss professional questions with tutors or classmates, take part in social activities and so on.

  我们首先会关注到以下这些问题:

  * 举例冗长,足足花了约60个单词,结果就是,段落重心偏移至这个“小故事”上,而不是例子前的分论点,例子就失去了它作为论证证据的作用;

  * 措辞口语化,选词随意;

  * 表述模糊,包括a lot of aspects, a specific environment等。

  教师修改后如下:

  New language sets up children for their future academic study. Acquiring English, a global language, for example, enables them to continue tertiary education as it has become the major language of monographs and academic forum.

  解析:

  * 信息浓缩,丰富语义,让例子核心信息成为句子的主干:acquiring English enables them to continue tertiary education,这样语义丰富的一个长句子印证前面的观点;

  * 信息浓缩,“写论文、和导师讨论专业问题、参加社会活动”等一系列流水账式的内容,改写为“English has become the major language of monograph and academic forum”;

  * 精准选词,词汇的选取要避免口语化,词义要精准;

  * set up for 为…作准备

  * acquire习得

  * enable 使能够

  * tertiary education 大学教育

  * monograph 专著

  * academic forum 学术讲座

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