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7月1日托福写作解析:天灾还是人祸

2017-07-04 14:39     供稿单位: 新航道     责编:新航道小编    浏览 0

摘要:   7月1日托福写作解析:天灾还是人祸?6月以来,中国南方强降雨过程频繁,尤其是翔哥的家乡湖南省。全省6月平均降雨量已破1951年有气象记录以来历史极值。到7月1日开始,连日的暴雨致多市城...

  7月1日托福写作解析:天灾还是人祸?6月以来,中国南方强降雨过程频繁,尤其是翔哥的家乡湖南省。全省6月平均降雨量已破1951年有气象记录以来历史极值。到7月1日开始,连日的暴雨致多市城区多处内涝,湖南暴雨还一度上微博热搜。难怪有人开玩笑说,欢迎来湖南长沙看海。

  玩笑归玩笑,可怜7月1日和2日有很多湖南的托福考生,还得顶着暴雨去参加考试。身为人师,难免为这些考生的安全担忧。同时又会去想,倾盆而下的暴雨,到底是天灾,还是人祸?

  如果说自然灾害肯定是上天的锅,那各种环境问题呢,应该就是人祸了吧。

  7月,首场托福,就来了一个久违的环境类独立写作话题。

  2017年7月1日托福独立写作题目

  What is the most useful action for an individual to take for the protection of natural environment?

  1. Leave vehicles at home and walk or ride a bike

  2. Reuse and recycle waste

  3. Purchase organic food in local markets

  个人如果想要为环境保护做贡献,以下那种方式最好:

  1.骑自行车或走路出行

  2.回收利用废旧物品

  3.购买当地有机食品

  7月1日托福写作解析:天灾还是人祸?写作解析

  这是一道三选一的题目,这类题目在今年上半年所考18道题中,出现4次。根据往年规律,下半年还有3-4次露脸的机会。而环境类话题,今年倒是第一次出现。

  这道题问及个人能为保护环境做点什么,所给三个选项都能在不同程度上发挥作用。减少使用私家车,转而骑自行车或者步行,能够减少汽车尾气的排放,而汽车尾气又是污染大气的主要罪魁祸首。回收废旧物品不仅能降低废弃物对环境的污染,同时能反向减速自然资源的消耗,可谓一举两得。购买有机食品,能促进有机食品业的发展,也能间接保护环境。因为种植有机食品不会使用人工化肥或者杀虫剂,能够保障土壤质量,并且不会使得有害化学物质进入地下水,相比传统种植方法,对环境的影响要小得多。

  既然环境类考题是今年首次亮相,翔哥特地邀请一位新航道的托福考生杨同学来写了这道真题,她本身英语基础扎实,但是在对独立写作题目的分析,已经对论点的论证上,发挥不太稳定。如果有类似情况的筒子,可以好好看看她是如何写的,并且对比看看翔哥是如何点评并修改她的作文。当然,修改稿有意将篇幅加长,主要是让大家积累环境类相关表达,下次再碰到该类话题,就不愁没东西可写了。

  最后,预告下7月2日的托福写作解析,本场考题据称托福有史以来最长题目,霸占半边屏幕,但实际上它早在去年就已登上托福舞台,详情且看下回解析及参考范文。

  7月1日托福写作解析:天灾还是人祸?学生原稿

  Environmental problem has became more and more serious as the society developed, especially in the pollution of the environment. The problems of the environment include the air pollution, water pollution, deforestation and so on. Among all these problems, waste produced by people has exerted the most serious negative impact on the evironment due to the unappropriate disposal of waste, hence it is urgent for us to take some actions to solve the waste problem.

  Reusing and recycling the waste can have much positive influence on preserving the environment. That is because pollution of waste has taken up the most part of the environmental problem and is the most serious one at present. If we can reduce the pollution of waste on environment by recycling those waste, we are likely to make much progress on the protection of the environment and to refine our living condition. According to a survey conducted by the Environmental Protection Agency in Shanghai, researchers wonder on what extent can recyling the waste benefit people's life and the whole environment. In this survey, researchers compared the satisfication of people toward their environment before and after recycling the waste, and the result showed that about 27.5 percent of people in Shanghai enjoyed the condition without recycling waste thirty years ago, but 89.7 percent of people like the improved environment at present, which is an extremely increase in residents' satisfication. The stark contrast between two conditions has showed the importance and high efficiency of recycling and reusing waste for the environment.

  However, leaving vehicle at home to walk or riding a bike is not a practical solution due to the fact that the high-speed working pace require people to do everything quickly including going to work or having meals. If only providing with bikes to ride, people will spend much more time and hence feel inconvenient and annoyed. Private vehicles actually are necesary for people's life and should not be prohibited to use. Buying organic food in the market is unlikely to be helpful on protecting the environment as well. The reason for this opinion is that organic food has little relation of the quality of the enviroment. Its real purpose is to provide residents with healthier food. In that case, purchasing prganic food is not an effective way to ease the environmentl problem.

  As is stated above, what I subscribe is the idea that the most effective way in protecitng the environment is to recycle and reuse the waste instead of transferring to public transportation or buying organic food in the market.

  7月1日托福写作解析:天灾还是人祸?点评&修改

  paragraph 1

  点 评:Environmental problem has became more and more serious [ 常用表达 more and more 可以尝试替换 ] as the society developed, especially in the pollution of the environment. The problems of the environment include the air pollution, water pollution, deforestation and so on. Among all these problems, waste produced by people has exerted the most serious negative impact on theevironment due to the unappropriate disposal of waste, hence [ 该词为副词,不能连接两个句子 ] it is urgent for us to take some actions to solve the waste problem.

  修 改:While today’s world is developing at an accelerated rate, unlike anything past generations witnessed, inhabitants of this planet have generated and exacerbated a series of problems. For instance, there is growing concern among the public about the increasingly serious environmental issues. The most pressing issues we human beings are facing include pollution, global warming, deforestation and so on. Among all these problems, industrial and household waste produced each day has almost exerted the most adverse impact on the environment due to the inappropriate disposal of waste; hence, it is high time for each individual to take urgent action to address this issue.

  paragraph 2

  点 评:Reusing and recycling the waste can have much positive influence on preserving the environment. That is because pollution of waste has taken up the most part of the environmental problem and is the most serious one at present. [ 第二句所提原因其实并未说明为什么回收废弃物如此重要,仍然重复喊了一遍第一段已经喊过的口号] If we can reduce the pollution of waste on environment by recycling those waste, we are likely to make much progress on the protection of the environment and to refine our living condition. According to a survey conducted by the Environmental Protection Agency in Shanghai, researchers wonder on what extent can recyling the waste benefit people's life and the whole environment. In this survey, researchers compared the satisfication of people toward their environment before and after recycling the waste, and the result showed that about 27.5 percent of people in Shanghai enjoyed the condition without recycling waste thirty years ago, but 89.7 percent of people like the improved environment at present, which is an extremely increase in residents' satisfication. The stark contrast between two conditions has showed the importance and high efficiency of recycling and reusing waste for the environment. [ 前面的数据提到环境改善后人们的满意度上升,可以说明治理环境问题的重要性,但并不能说明回收废弃物的高效率,甚至本身划线部分的搭配就表意模糊 ]

  修 改:Reusing and recycling the waste is indeed the most useful action for an individual to take for the protection of natural environment. This is because most waste ends up being buried underground in landfill sites. The presence of huge landfills sites across the world pose serious environmental threats, affecting human health or wildlife, degrading soil quality, causing air pollution and resulting in climate change.

  According to a survey conducted by the Environmental Protection Agency in China, our whole nation generates over 8 billion tons of waste each year, nearly 70% of which is wastewater. The management of human waste will no doubt be an area of concern in coming years due to the increasing population and human consumption. Since the planet is struggling to support the 7 billion people that already inhabit it, every individual should take the initiative to reuse and recycle any ubiquitous item, from paper to shopping bags to old electronics.

  Most importantly, because a worrying proportion of our ‘stuff’ is made using finite resources, reusing and recycling the waste can, to a large extent, slow down the depletion of natural resources. Chances are over exploitation of those resources would ultimately destroy our environment. For instance, mining for metals causes widespread environmental destruction, polluting water and releasing greenhouse gases into the environment. And many of these metals, when used in consumer electronics, still often find their way into landfill, allowing lead, cadmium and mercury to seep into ground water. In this case, our planet is caught in a vicious cycle of being consumed, being polluted and being polluted once again.

  paragraph 3

  点 评:However, leaving vehicle at home to walk or riding a bike is not a practical solution due to the fact that the high-speed working pace [ 搭配不当 ] require people to do everything quickly including going to work or having meals. If only providing [ 逻辑主语为后面的people,改为被动 ] with bikes to ride, people will spend much more time and hence feel inconvenient and annoyed. Private vehicles actually are necesary for people's life and should not be prohibited to use. Buying organic food in the market is unlikely to be helpful on protecting the environment as well. The reason for this opinion is that organic food has little relation of [ 介词有误 ] the quality of the enviroment. Its real purpose is to provide residents with healthier food. In that case, purchasing prganic food is not an effective way to ease the environmentl problem.

  修 改:However, leaving vehicle at home to walk or riding a bike is not a practical solution due to the fact that the fast-paced work and life require us to crank up the speed at which we operate. In a society where “faster” has become the normative way we do things today, we may find ourselves getting impatient and angry with slower drivers on the highway even when there's no reason to be in a rush. Therefore, if only provided with bikes to ride or forced to walk, more often than not, we would feel inconvenient and even annoyed.

  Buying organic food in the local markets is unlikely to be feasible to protect the environment as well. It is true that organic foods have been grown or farmed without the use of artificial chemicals, but being healthier does not necessarily mean more environmentally friendly. The cultivation of organic food still involves the use of large amounts of pesticides. Meanwhile, although organic farming tends to improve soil quality and the conservation of groundwater, it is the waste (the by-product of relentless urbanization) that devastates the soil and groundwater most.

  paragraph 4

  点 评:As is stated above, what I subscribe [用词不当] is the idea that the most effective way inprotecitng the environment is to recycle and reuse the waste instead of transferring [用词不当]to public transportation or buying organic food in the market.

  修 改:

  As is stated above, the most effective way to protect the environment is to recycle and reuse the waste instead of leaving private cars at home or buying organic food in the market.

  7月1日托福写作解析:天灾还是人祸?相关题目

  2016/6/25

  What one of the following is the most important action for the government to take for the protection of natural environment?

  (1) Fund research on new energy sources such as solar and wind power

  (2) Preserve natural places such as forests and natural wildlife species

  (3) Pass and enforce laws to reduce the pollution produced by companies and industries

  2016/9/3

  What is the most useful action for people to help environment in their local communities?

  1. Plant trees and create parks

  2. Persuade local shops to stop providing plastic bags for consumers

  3. Increase access to public transportation (such as buses and trains), and reduce the automobiles on roads

  2016/6/4

  The most important thing that government can do to improve health care is to clean the environment.

  2014/10/11

  Modern agriculture methods damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.

  2015/12/12

  Many companies provide important products and services but at the same time cause environmental damage. Some people believe the best way to prevent these companies from damaging the environment is for the government to require more penalties from them, such as higher taxes and larger fine. Others said there are better ways to deal with this problem. Which opinion do you agree with and why?

  作者:庾翔

  新航道托福阅读写作/SAT文法/ACT写作主讲,大学自发转学英语专业,耕耘留学英语培训界四载有余。首战托福111分,雅思7.5分,其所教学生不止学到如何攻克考试之法,亦能掌握真正的英语学习之道。

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